Electrifying

I had my “mid-abroad” panic attack on Wednesday. Sitting at my desk at work, around midday I had the realization that only about three weeks remained of my time here in Moldova. Although I did not express any physical sentiment, I had completely broken down inside. My productivity that had lasted all morning withered and died. My heart and mind were completely shut down. As soon as I left the office for the day I walked and walked and walked around Chisinau to places I hadn’t been, blindly meandering towards Alecsandri and down Ismail and back around to 31 August. I had hoped this unexpected excursion would release some energy but it did little to relieve my turmoil. I returned home, distraught, but, as usual, perfectly composed externally.

Eventually it came time to attend a FLEX picnic at the Lyceum, where they were having chocolate chip cookies (again, to assimilate to American culture). I decided to run there, as it did not look too far on the map. I gathered my emotions and set out, and the run began to help me organize my emotions. I began to look forward to going to the picnic and once again talking to the FLEX staff and kids. Unfortunately, the distance was a little bit longer than I had presumed and furthermore I could not find the turn for the street leading to the school. I circled around to the other road that lead back towards my house, where supposedly the road leading to the university exited. I could not find it there either. Frustrated and angry with myself I started my run home. About two miles away, the wind picked up suddenly and cold, hard rain began to pelt down from the graying sky. I saw no other choice but to keep running. In a few minutes, the sky had turned the color of slate with lightning splitting the clouds every now and then, accompanied by thunder.

I was exhilarated. All of my frustration and confusion drained from my body into the storm and left me feeling whole again. Instead of returning home, I turned for Valea Morilor, the beautiful lake I always go to for my runs. Soaked through, to run around the lake and observed the water’s surface. The heavens drummed their tiny feet upon the glass, which undulated continually to swallow each beat. The water danced, each droplet’s ripple colliding and harmonizing to become a mighty outburst of percussion. The lightning fragmented the strangely calm skies, while sudden explosions of sound fractured the air itself. I appointed the trees to safeguard me while I ran, my waterlogged shoes dispelling water with every step. Rain flowed down my face and through my hair in rivulets, refreshing, renewing. I will never forget this run. Beautiful, awakening, stirring, electrifying, heartrending.